Dr. Snoodles, Teddy Bear Phrenologist

from Empire Magazine's 20th Anniversary photoshoot (via positivespace)

The idea of Sean Bean speaking with a Minnesota accent makes me giggle so very much.

Pride is playing tonight and my cable decided to crap out on me.
*stews*
I want to see Sean Bean do ADR for a lion!

Troy isn't so much based on The Iliad than it is based on common knowledge about the Trojan War (kind of like O, Brother, Where Art Thou? and The Odyssey): Helen leaving her husband, Menelaus, for Paris, Prince of Troy; Achilles is a hard ass; there's a Trojan Horse, and there's a moment with someone's heel.

My inner Greek Civ/myth geek cringed a bit at the way some things got turned around (the Greek gods make no appearances a la Clash of the Titans) and reinterpreted (such as "Achilles is straight, damn it! Do you hear me, STRAIGHT!"), but more on that later.

The movie wasn't inspiringly good, where I wanted to stand up and say, "Damn, Wolfgang, you done good!" It was entertaining enough and for everyone who came to see the pretteh, it delivered.

( gripes, spoilers and the highlights )

Anyway, more info at Bulfinch's Mythology, The Mortal Women of the Trojan War and Pantheon.org.

To the little bitches sitting next to me during the movie: you have no idea how much I wanted to stab you repeatedly in the thigh to stop your inane chatter!

ETA: Corrected info about Andromache and added more links.

The cast of Troy is now at Cannes and there is a whole slew of pictures.

OMG, the sheer hawtness.

*wails*
Why is there no mention of Bean in the Viggo interview in this month's issue of Vanity Fair?
And why are Elijah and Billy the only ones mentioned working on Viggo's album?!
Damn the reporter for omitting really, really important stuff!

When I was younger, I loved the Jim Henson Hour. Since we didn't have cable, it's how I saw most of the Storyteller episodes.
Guess what's coming to DVD?
*squee!*

Did I mention Sean Bean shows up in the episode, "True Bride"? And it's Bean with long hair. Oh baby.
It would have been amusing to see Joely Richardson (Connie from Lady Chatterley's Lover) as the servant girl who marries him, but she's in another episode, "The Three Ravens", with Miranda Richardson.
However, I just realized Bean's (third) ex-wife is in my all-time favorite episode, "Hans, My Hedgehog".

"Hans, My Hedgehog" is a less happier version of "Tom Thumb": a farmer's wife wishes, "I want a child... I don't care if it were a strange thing, made of marzipan or porridge, or ugly as a hedgehog."
For one, hedgehogs are really cute. They're not exactly huggable but they're really cute--except for the albino ones because their red eyes make them look demonic.
The farmer doesn't think Hans is cute. In fact, he thinks he's ugly and he's prone to beating and ignoring his son. The neighborhood kids also like to beat Hans too. He leaves home, riding a giant rooster into the sunset. There's more to the story but I don't remember much after that. I do remember crying a whole lot.
There's screencaps and a catty summary of "Hans, My Hedgehog" here.

*happy dance*

sarah_p may still get her Bean on James Marsters action. From The Sun:

Hardman SEAN BEAN is to play a homosexual Nazi in disturbing new movie Venetian Heat. The actor, who is currently filming Troy with BRAD PITT, will play a sinister officer who harbours a secret desire for young lads. It's certainly a far cry from his role as Boromir in The Lord Of The Rings trilogy--and I can't help but wonder what they'll make of it back home in Sheffield.

Eh, but it's the Sun so who knows how accurate this tidbit is.

Connie: "His penis--you don't know how strange it is. It's like a little god."
(!!!!)

Well, according to Barnes and Noble, I finally get to see some nekkid Bean! Lady Chatterley's Lover will be out on June 24.
*ahem*
asdofijebwryramknf!!!!!!!!!